Over the past few weeks, I've been addressing a few disciplinary issues with my daughter. When it comes to discipline/punishment, many of us live on the 'spare the rod, spoil the child' premise (Proverbs 13:24)...so we don't hesitate to spare it! But sparing the rod (and the issue of discipline) goes a lot further.

Now, I'm not saying that the rod should be spared, but our understanding of discipline must take on a different approach. For many people disciplining their children, they react based on emotions - believe me, I've been the recipient of this many times! And as I was disciplining my daughter (numerous times over a short period), the Lord wanted to remind me not to do the same. There are a few things He shared with me and I'd like to provide them below:

1. Discipline is a corrective tool.

Proverbs 22:6 (KJV) - Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

In our discipline, our purpose must be to (1) isolate the behavior; (2) address it appropriately; (3) place our children on the path toward success. Unfortunately, many of our tactics may have been to stop the behavior, but not much else. We use the rod, toys, television, friends, and any other thing we can think of to get a child's attention...often done without any thought of the long-term outcome. Therefore, you must correct for the sake of correction, not for the sake of punishment. Most of you know when you’re going over the line with punishment and if not, handle punishments when you are calm, not in the height of your anger (Proverbs 19:2).

2. Discipline is a corrective tool.

That's not a misprint...it is a corrective tool. Sometimes parents go so far with discipline and punishment that the children become angry and bitter rather than repentant and better. Now, in the moment of discipline, you may not be #1 Parent in your child’s eyes, but the difference comes in the extent of your actions...

Ephesians 6:4 (KJV) - And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Now, to get a good understanding of being brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, let's first consider how He deals with us. Boy, we have done things that definitely deserve a good 'smiting.' Now, some of us have received a little more and others a little less, but the Lord does this with the purpose of allowing us to be partakers of His holiness and yielding the peaceable fruit of righteousness (Hebrews 12:6-11).

3. Exercise mercy and grace.

You may have done something where you felt you deserved to be severely punished, but you experienced God's grace and mercy. Why can't you extend the same to your children? As parents, we still have a responsibility to discipline, but we must draw the 'line' on when to be merciful and gracious. If you need help with this, just think about the times you commit any wrongdoing and the desire you have for mercy and grace to be extended to you.

4. Remember they are people too.

As we deal with people of all races and cultures, we find that they each respond differently. Our methods of discipline and punishment may/may not have an effect on our children. There are people that discipline their children early and often, yet their children take a turn for the worse. Then there are people that don't discipline their children at all, yet their children turn out successful.

Just as we (and others) don't respond positively to the Lord's correction, our children may take the same route. When I was growing up, I was a class clown, a liar, and a thief. I was always up to something bad. I had a lot of potential (as I was told), but I chose to keep that potential untouched for many years. My mother couldn't handle me and when I went to live with my Dad, he did everything he could to 'beat' it out of me, but no matter what either of them did, I continued to live as I pleased...until the 10th grade.

On the first day of high school, I walked into the front doors of the school. I looked around and saw kids that were older and looked more mature - taking care of business. Right then I said to myself that I wasn't going to get into any more trouble and I didn't. I stopped...cold turkey. My Dad was praising himself after a few months, but I told him that it wasn't anything he did, it was my choice. He felt better believing his version of the story so I left it alone.

A correction in a child's behavior may not be a direct reflection of our actions as parents. There may be some other 'tool of discipline' used to correct our children (like other children). Now, in spite of everything we do to correct our children, they may CHOOSE another path...and that is their choice to make (and consequence to live with). (They may take a number of years to return to the 'right' path.) We should not become so enraged that we can no longer deal with them appropriately (see #2 and 3 above) and lash out...often because we feel they owe us for all we've done for them...

5. Pray (intercede) for your children just as Jesus prays for you (Romans 8:34).