The foundation of almost every person is built and derived from family relationships. A quick glance into our own lives will reveal many traits, characteristics, and traditions built from our own family history. Over the past years (and possibly decades), many people have placed less of an emphasis on the family 'unit' - and oftentimes the church is no exception.

Regardless if a person is a pastor, volunteer, or visitor, building a solid family foundation should be a priority. Many times, the family unit is an afterthought without considering its importance. For without a sound family foundation, many people will be unable to adequately display the love that identifies them as Christians.

Proverbs 21:9 (KJV) - It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Now, if a man is driven to the point where he would rather spend his time on the rooftop than inside the house, how do you think this affects his household (relationships) and their ability to love one another and others? Now for the woman, she probably isn't displaying any Christian values inside the home and she places the entire family is disarray. She is given to the man as a helpmeet, but her actions do not meet anyone's needs. Everyone in the home (including herself) become victims.

Now, I'm sure the woman didn't become a 'brawler' overnight and there are other surface and deep-rooted issues to address (within herself, husband, and family).

For the man in this situation, he has lost his sanctuary from the 'cares and affairs' of the world and must spend his time outside of the home. This situation creates further problems as he may struggle to find peace and build a peaceful home environment (if he's still trying). They often cannot think clearly and their judgment is clouded. This only leads to further problems (i.e. temptations).

Now, let's say the man is the brawler and creates a strained environment for his family. Many times the man controls the ‘environment’ in the home and if he’s on edge, everyone else may be walking on eggshells. No one is at peace and everyone doesn’t know what’s coming next. They live in fear of the next 'blowout.'

Many men (and women) may put on a 'show' outside the home to give the illusion that everything is OK (NOTE: very few people are truly fooled).

How can healthy family relationships be built from this?

Regardless of who is the 'brawler' of the family, each situation hinders the building of a solid family relationship. Their ability to deal with the world without 'baggage' is diminished. They begin to develop a skewed view of relationships that may ultimately affect their relationship with God (if they choose to have one at all) and others.

• Is this what you want for you and your spouse? Children?
• Do you want your family to spend most of their lives trying to overcome your negative behaviors?
• How can a family have a solid family foundation in order to display God's love and bring Him glory?

1. Acknowledge the problem.

One of the first things we can do is to acknowledge there is a problem. Many times when we see the problems affecting our families, we don't acknowledge or act upon them. Sometimes we're scared to face our circumstance(s) or don't know what to do - so we do nothing. Even though we don't want to continue down this path, it's the only ‘way' we've known, so we keep going.

2. Make the family a priority.

If you want you and your family to display God's love to the world, then you must understand that it first begins at home (don't forget the individual aspect). Contrary to popular belief, families don’t run on automatic nor do they fix themselves. Now, you may not need to spend every free moment in your family's face, but the priority you set can be based on specific needs and opportune times (for growth and love).

Many of these times come spontaneously, so be prepared! Some days you may need to (quickly) choose between a favorite hobby and spending a little quality time with your family. Or you may need to rearrange your schedule to accommodate your family.

3. Different strokes for different folks.

Each family situation is different and requires different needs. Between you, God, your family, and a good support base, building a healthy family relationship is not impossible! Continue to seek God on how to address your family's needs and building a solid family relationship. If there are internal problems for individual family members, trust God that He will speak to them even as He speaks to you. Pray for them. Ask Him for the best ways to support them during this period of change. Trust the Holy Spirit's 'on-time' guidance.

Your family deserves your dedication, support, and love. Build a solid family foundation to build a strong witness of Christian love to the world.