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Proverbs 13:24 (KJV) - He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
When it comes to discipline/punishment, many of us live on the 'spare the rod, spoil the child' premise (Proverbs 13:24), and many of us take every opportunity to use it! However, the issue of sparing the rod (and of discipline) goes a lot further.
Our understanding of the purpose behind discipline must take on a different approach. For many people disciplining their children, they react based on emotions. Many discipline their children out of anger (sometimes uncontrolled), and it is important that we do not act in this manner for the following reasons:
1. Discipline is a corrective tool. In our discipline, our purpose must be to (1) isolate the behavior; (2) address it appropriately; (3) place our children on the path toward good and godly success. Discipline is not a means for you to take out your anger on your children. Most of you know when you're going over the line with punishment. If you have a problem with how you handle punishments (i.e. uncontrolled rage), then address them when you are calm, and not in the height of your anger (Proverbs 19:2).
2. Discipline is a corrective tool. That's not a misprint...it is a corrective tool. Sometimes parents go so far with discipline and punishment that the children become angry and bitter rather than repentant and better. Now, in the moment of discipline, you may not be #1 Parent in your child's eyes, but the difference comes in the extent of your actions...
Ephesians 6:4 (KJV) - And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
In the height of our anger-driven punishment, we can provoke our children to wrath. Because our correction is not founded in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, we drive them closest to acting out in anger as well. Anger begets anger.
3. Chastise because you love them. If we desire for our children to be Christ-like (and even bring glory to God), we must be able to reflect His character at all times and in all situations (1 Corinthians 10:31). Let's consider what it means to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
- Nurture. To nurturing encompasses the whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment). It also includes the training and care of the body1. When we consider training and education, these are not haphazard functions. They are deliberate and intentional actions meant to accomplish a specific task or purpose. The Lord chastises us because He loves us and desires us to produce the peaceable fruit of righteousness (Hebrews 12:6-11). Our discipline should have a similar purpose as well.
- Admonition. Admonition is exhortation.2 This is the speaking to our children in the things of God and His Word. Moses provides an insight into how this is accomplished as he instructed the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 6:6-10.
4. Love them as you love yourself. Think about the way you discipline your children. Would you really want to be treated like that?! Loving others as yourself is the second greatest commandment of God (Matthew 22:36-40). We are not relieved of our responsibility to correct, but we must do so in love and not anger, hate, or disgust.
1 - Blue Letter Bible. "Dictionary and Word Search for paideia (Strong's 3809)". Blue Letter Bible. 1996-2012. 2 Feb 2012. http:// www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G3809&t=KJV
2 - Blue Letter Bible. "Dictionary and Word Search for nouthesia (Strong's 3559)". Blue Letter Bible. 1996-2012. 2 Feb 2012. < http:// www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G3559&t=KJV
