Throughout our lives we encounter many situations that scream for change. We find people that need advice; processes can be better; systems can be upgraded; etc. etc. There are so many things that need to be changed and we have the answer. Unfortunately, many times when we give our advice, the outcome isn't what we expect. People become angry and offended; processes do not change; and systems remain the same. We wanted to help and had the very best intentions, but things went south...
So what happened? ...we weren't on the list...
For each area of inspirational change, we must first coordinate through a person. Whether the person is the 'object' or the manager of the process or system, if we are not on their list of authorized advice-givers, there is a high probability they will discard our message.
See, each person (whether consciously or unconsciously) has a list of people they will accept advice from. Some lists are composed of people through position (i.e. boss, police); relationship (i.e. parent, spouse, trusted friend, pastor); setting (i.e. Christian conference, seminar); or situation. Beyond this list, there are few people that will have the opportunity to give ANY advice that will be positively received.
Think about a time when someone not on your 'list' tried to give you advice. How did that situation turn out? Even if their advice was sound, the position, relationship, setting, or situation may have prevented you from accepting it (unless God intervened).
So what should you do?
1. Silence can be the best policy.
It can be hard to remain silent. Your heart hurts at the sight of seeing people struggle, processes go awry, and systems remain stagnant. There are times when people must come into the 'solution' on their own...or reach a 'place' where/when they are willing to accept advice (or at least expand their permission list).
Though you are silent about the specific person, process, or system, speak often to the Lord about your concerns.
2. There is a time and place for everything.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (KJV) - To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
'Anytime' is not the best time to give your proposal - no matter how YOU feel. It's important to know when to keep silent and when to speak. You have to know the difference - be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's guidance. Even though you believe your message is important, if it's not accepted when given, what good will it be?!
3. Remember your 'place.'
1 Corinthians 3:5-7 (KJV) - Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers by whom ye believed, even as the Lord gave to every man? I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase.
In Paul's first letter to the church in Corinth, he addressed discussions among the people on which of the ministers they belong to (supported/placed their allegiance). He wanted them to understand that the people they were giving their support to are ministering servants with appointed tasks in the process of growing disciples of Christ. Even though we may have received the insight to a particular problem, it may not be for us to speak about it. We have another 'role' in the process of change.
Our 'part' in the situation may be small or it may be large. It may require us to share the message of insight or be a supportive friend/confidant. We cannot forget that it's God that brings the growth and increase - not us. So many times we want to give the advice, help them throughout the ENTIRE process, and see the change with our own two eyes. There will be many, many, many times when we may never see the outcome of our advice or support (at least in this life) when/if given. We must be committed to the role God has for us in the person's life.
4. Be ready when the right time comes.
As we patiently wait for an opportunity to share our advice, God could already be working 'behind the scenes' to introduce or prepare the persons involved. Therefore, we must be ready to provide the 'right' word or deed in the 'right' season - that span of time can be a few days, months, or years. Whatever the span of time, it will be important for us to fight off feelings of anger, offense, revenge, etc. Be ready to openly accept them without the 'I-told-you-so' /sarcastic attitude.
5. Be ready if the 'right' time doesn't come.
Though our end result is to see the person, process, or system grow/change, there may not be a 'happy' ending - well, at least OUR happy ending. Sometimes nothing changes and situations remain the same. Therefore, it will be very important for us to remain calm, prayerful, and supportive toward the persons, processes, and systems involved. We must remain positive and supportive. It doesn't help if we lose our composure because OUR will cannot be done.
